Redwall Gameshow
by Random Crazy Person
Summary: Let's quiz random redwallers about random redwall history, to find out the random winner. YAY! GASP IN SPOOKY HORROR FOR I HAVE UPDATED!It's not like you care, though. -
1. The evil pigs come Pigs scare me

Disclaimer: If I'm crazy, do you think I own anything?  
  
  
  
Doomed Strawberry (DS): hi!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to..Redwall game show! I'm your host, Doomed Strawberry!  
  
Audience: (some claps are heard)  
  
DS: What? You don't like me?  
  
Audience: (cricket is heard)  
  
DS: (decides to ignore the audience) (whispers "I need a beer" to intern) Well, anyway, today's contestants are...Matthias!  
  
Matthias (Mat): (walks onto stage)  
  
Audience: (claps really hard)  
  
Intern: (brings DS a beer)  
  
DS: (whispers to intern "thanks") and.... Mattimeo!  
  
Mattimeo (Meo): (walks onto stage)  
  
Audience: (claps very loud, whistles are heard)  
  
DS: (glares at audience) Welcome, Mat and Meo! Now, would you to please step over here. (points to buzzer thing)  
  
Meo and Mat walk over to the buzzer thing.  
  
DS: (drinks beer) First question is: Who killed Cluney?  
  
Meo: (hits buzzer) Mat!  
  
Mat: I did not!  
  
Meo: Did too , idiot!  
  
Mat: Did not!  
  
Meo: did too!  
  
(Cornflower rushes on stage)  
  
  
  
Cornflower: I swear, both of ya! Mat, don't ya remember, Summer of Laterose? U found the sword and killed Cluney? And Meo!  
  
Meo: (tries to run away) (gets caught)  
  
Cornflower: Who do u think u are?  
  
Meo: (whispers) Mum, don't do this in front of Tess.  
  
Cornflower: Do u think I give a care whether she's watchin' or not? (slaps Meo in face) How dare u argue with you father like that? On Tv?  
  
DS: (clears throat) Cornflower, I demand you get off this stage at once.  
  
Cornflower: Oh, DS, I'll get you for this! (security guards drag her away) This won't be the last time! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha- (gets thrown in vehicle)  
  
DS: Well that was unexpected. Anyway, Meo, you are correct and you win one point.  
  
  
  
Score  
  
  
  
Matthias: 0  
  
  
  
Meo: 1  
  
DS: Next question. The first abbess was-  
  
Mat: Song!  
  
DS: Nope, sorry. Meo?  
  
Meo: Wots-her-name.the tall one? No, wait Germaine?(a/n I really don't care how you spell that)  
  
DS: (kind of drunk) Yeah.right.(looks at cards) Meo.  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm very sorry, but we are having some technical difficulties. Please review and tune in for the next chapter.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Please review? Please?  
  
Review Box: Do it for Random Crazy Person's sanity! Do it! 


	2. AHHH! Rabid squirrels! Yay! Squirrels ar...

Redwall gameshow  
  
  
  
Madness: Hello! I'm gonna be your new host! Doomed Strawberry, um, wanted to take a break. So I'm gonna take his job!  
  
Audience: (cheers and applause)  
  
Doomed Strawberry: (runs in drunk) I donnn't wanna to no breaks!  
  
Madness: (looks at Doomed Strawberry with disgust) Um, Security! (Security drags Doomed Strawberry off the set) Thank you. Ahem, Now, before we begin, I would like to introduce our contestants! Come on in Triss and Cornflower! (Triss and Cornflower walk in) Your first question is; when did the monkeys come to Redwall and destroy everyone?  
  
Triss and Cornflower: (look startled)  
  
Mad: What type of question is this? There are no monkeys in Redwall! (Looks over behind curtains) DOOMED STRAWBERRY! STOP WRITING NONSENSE QUESTIONS! OR I'LL FEED U TO THE RABID SQUIRRELS!  
  
Doomed Strawberry: (runs away)  
  
Mad: Okay, now for your first REAL question. When did Shogg die?  
  
Triss: (runs off stage crying)  
  
Cornflower: Wot is she crying for?  
  
Mad: Well, u see, Shogg was her friend and kinda, died.  
  
Cornflower: Oh. WELL SHE NEEDS TO GET OVER IT!  
  
Mad: Who is writing these questions?  
  
Cornflower: (points to door) (Doomed Strawberry is standing there, with a typewriter typing disturbing questions)  
  
Mad:....DOOMED STRAWBERRY!! I'M GONNA FEED U TO THE SQUIRRELS! (starts chasing him around the set) (catches him and throws him in a pit) (police come rushing in and arrest Mad)  
  
Police: You are under arrest for throwing Doomed Strawberry in a pit full of squirrels. So now we get to take u to jail! ^_^  
  
Mad: Not again..  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I own nothing! Hear, me? NOTHING! Except my pet rabid squirrels. (hugs rabid squirrel) awwwwww, so cute!  
  
  
  
Please review! For the children?  
  
I enjoy flames. They are fun to eat. 


	3. TheInsanesomething Ishallnotusespaces sp...

Doomed Strawberry: (slurps slurpie) Hi folks! I'm back! They couldn't find another person to replace me, so I'm gonna be your new host!  
  
Audience: (weeps)  
  
Doomed Strawberry: Are those tears of joy or misery?  
  
Audience: MISERY!  
  
Doomed Strawberry: Aw, shut up. Now, back by popular demand, Mat and Meo! Triss and Cornflower are also here.  
  
Triss: It's Trisscar u idiot! SO take, THAT BACK! (Hisses)  
  
Doomed Strawberry: Excuse me then, TRISSCAR, Meo, Mat, and Cornflower.  
  
Audience: (claps hands excitedly)  
  
Doomed Strawberry: (to ceiling) Why God, why don't they like me?  
  
(Light comes from secret trap door from the secret ceiling)  
  
God: I don't know  
  
(Light goes back and trap door closes)  
  
Mat: Well that was unexpected.  
  
Doomed Strawberry: Well that answered my question. But now for your questions. Is Cornflower still mad?  
  
Meo and Mat: Well duh!  
  
Triss: Who's Cornflower?  
  
CF: I am the madness that will take over your heart and rain misery to those you hate, and leave loved ones in despair. WHERE ARE THE MONKIES?!?!  
  
Triss: Oh yeah..  
  
Doomed Strawberry: Well, for once Meo and Mat got something right! But the thing the got wrong was why haven't they put CF in a mental hospital yet.  
  
Mat: Father abbot doesn't believe in mental hospitals. That's what he said last year when we tried to put Martin in one. He just haunted to many people's dreams.(shakes head sadly)  
  
Doomed Strawberry: Oh. Well, next question. Who is Tag?  
  
Triss: (hits buzzer excitedly) Oh, that fat otter dude!  
  
Doomed Strawberry: Well, I guess that's right. Next question-  
  
CF: Dude, you're getting a dell! Get it before the wolves come! Where's my moose? I'll cu later pig! (runs off stage)  
  
Doomed Strawberry: (O.O) Okaaaaaaaayyyyyyy....Um, time for the score!  
  
(random song of your choice plays)  
  
  
  
SCORE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mat: 1!  
  
Meo:1!  
  
Triss: 1!  
  
CF: She left idiot!  
  
Doomed Strawberry: Next question. How did Abbot Mortimier die?  
  
Mat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs off stage weeping)  
  
Doomed Strawberry: (smiles) I love to see misery  
  
Triss: That fat rat came and hit with that tail thing that had the poison thing on it and it 'im. Then the poison stuff went through his veins and he died. The end!  
  
Doomed Strawberry: Um, yes. Mat, can u please come back?  
  
  
  
(no response)  
  
Okay, next time Mat will be here, but all of u other people won't! Bye!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Announcer Dude: Trisscar has won a free trip to Washington D.C., even though she won't be able to go! And Meo has won $1,00,00,000,00, though he won't be able to claim it 'cuz there is no such thing as money in Redwall!  
  
  
  
  
  
Review box: Feed me.with reviews! Or I'll starve, and then crumple up and die. And I don't wanna die! 


	4. Awwwww, look at the cows! THE COW IS EAT...

Doomed Strawberry: (sighs) hello. Audience shut up. Today's contestants are.Mat and Tansy!  
  
Tansy: What?  
  
Mat: This is waaay tooooo familiar.  
  
DS: Shut it. Now walk over there to the buzzers, or be doomed!  
  
  
  
T and Mat walk over to the buzzers.  
  
DS: There. Now, your first question is; what did Samkin do?  
  
Mat: (hits buzzer) Samkin went outside during a storm, stood under that tall place, and the sword fell beside him. Then he and arula took the sword saved the day. (Smirks)  
  
T: Show off.  
  
DS: wow that's right. One point! Next question.How many books are in this series?  
  
T: What series?  
  
Mat: (hits buzzer) There's 15 in the Redwall series, excluding the tribes of whatever books. Beat that T! (Smirks)  
  
T: Beat what?  
  
DS: Wow, Mat, you're on fire! (Fire alarm goes off) In fact, I think we should introduce u both into this one bonus round that'll never happen again! Now, will both of u please step over there?  
  
(T and Mat walk over to wherever DS was pointing to)  
  
DS: Now, the pint of this bonus round is to.do something. That something is to kill Martin.  
  
T: Which Martin?  
  
DS: The first.  
  
T: But nobody knows anything about him. (A/n Remember in Legend of Luke, Luke says" I'll name me son after his granddaddy, Martin!" or something like that? Well, anyway, there was another Martin in Martin's family. Does that make sense?)  
  
DS: I mean, the second Martin that saved all humanity.  
  
Mat: Cool! I've always wanted to kill that freak!  
  
DS: Well here's your chance!  
  
(Mat and T run over to where DS is pointing to. Martin walks out waving and yelling "HI GUYS!!!". T runs up and bites him while Mat starts punching him. Martin falls over, pretending to be dead. Mat and T cheer for joy, since they just killed the weird guy that haunts their abbey)  
  
DS: OOPS, U two didn't kill him! Now for the final score!  
  
  
  
SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Tansy: 0! She's an idiot!  
  
T: Am not!  
  
Matthias: 2! He won the game!  
  
Mat: yay.  
  
Announcer dude: (talking really fast) Mat has won a GBA, PS2, GameCube, Xbox, and a big screen TV! Too bad he won't be able to use these though, there is no electricity in Redwall! (laughs mockingly)  
  
Mat: Electricity?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Review! Plwease! I need them...too survive! 


	5. Take me to Mexico, mooseboy! I DEMAND IT...

Commercial Break  
  
  
  
(A can of coke is sitting on a brick wall. It shows two idiots jumping, trying to get the can)  
  
Matthias: SON! Help me get the Coke!  
  
Mattimeo: **all happy-son like** Sure dad! I'll help you get it!  
  
(Matthias pulls out his sword and pokes the can. It falls on him, but it was opened)  
  
Matthias: s***!  
  
Mattimeo: **shocked gasp** DAD! You cussed!  
  
(Screen goes black)  
  
Take two..  
  
(A BOTTLE of coke WITH THE LID ON is sitting on the wall. It shows two mice jumping up and down)  
  
Matthias: SON! We must get the coke! It calls me! **Eyes go all swirly- like, as if he's hypnotized**  
  
Mattimeo: Dad, what's wrong with your eyes?  
  
(Matthias starts climbing the wall. He grabs the bottle of coke, and falls off)  
  
Mattimeo: **runs forward** DAD, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?  
  
Matthias: **smiling** Cooooooookkkkkkkeeeeee  
  
(Doomed Strawberry steps on to the screen, as it freezes)  
  
DS: Don't want this happening to you? THEN BUY PEPSI! PEPSI IS GOOD! PEPSI IS- Damn, I HATE PEPSI!  
  
Take three...  
  
(The screen freezes and DS appears on the screen)  
  
DS: Don't want the need for caffeine to haunt your dreams?  
  
Director: We aren't talking about dreams....  
  
TAKE FOUR! GET IT RIGHT!  
  
DS: Don't want this terrible thing to happen to you? Then buy Pepsi! **Brittany Spear-like** For those who think young! **Wink**  
  
Director: Whatever....  
  
Finished project  
  
(A BOTTLE of coke WITH THE LID ON is sitting on the wall. It shows two mice jumping up and down)  
  
Matthias: SON! We must get the coke! It calls me! **Eyes go all swirly- like, as if he's hypnotized**  
  
Mattimeo: Dad, what's wrong with your eyes?  
  
(Matthias starts climbing the wall. He grabs the bottle of coke, and falls off)  
  
Mattimeo: **runs forward** DAD, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?  
  
Matthias: **smiling** Cooooooookkkkkkkeeeeee  
  
(Doomed Strawberry steps on to the screen, as it freezes)  
  
DS: Don't want this terrible thing to happen to you? Then buy Pepsi! **Brittany Spear-like** For those who think young! **Wink** 


End file.
